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Joke of the Day

"i asked my wife to send me a naughty picture on snapchat... so she sent one of our kids playing in my electronics drawer"

"It seems kid of arbitrary that people want their skin to be tan and their teeth to be white. In Opposite Land, I must be a fuckin' hottie."

"Why do they call it a ""waist""? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits down there."

"My wife said I don't do enough work around the house. Its like she thinks this FB account just runs itself.........smh"

"I hate when I'm in line for the bathroom and someone asks if I'm in line, like I look like a dude who just waits outside of bathrooms."

"""We're going to need a bigger pocket."" - iPhone 6 Plus"

"What is DJ Khaled's favorite number? 11 Because it has another 1"

"Yeah, if Albert Einstein is so smart then why is he dead?"

"Young Actor: Dad guess what? I've just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who's been married for 30 years. Father: Well keep at it son. Maybe one day you'll get a speaking part."

"I love to watch the look of panic on my husband's face when I pull a pair of panties out of my drawer and say, ""um, these aren't mine."""