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Joke of the Day

"Hubby's ex emailed him wanting to ""reconnect"". I wanna pretend to be him & set it up so I can re CONNECT my foot up her ass"

"What is the early 17th Century English word for having excrement and blood smeared on your forearms? fisticuffs"

"A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation to the local swimming pool. So I gave him a cup of water."

"Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep."

"What side of a chicken has the most feathers? The outside."

"I just hope I love my child enough to stab a referee that made a bad call against him in a little league game."

"BOSS: why are you so late? ME: i definitely wasnt up until 4am watching Hey Arnold ha-ha BOSS: well i was and i got here on time"

"Robert Khardasian was OJ Simpson's lawyer And thus began the family tradition of getting black men off."

"A toothless termite walks into a bar... and says, ""Is the bar tender here?"""

"Sometimes when I say ""I'm OK"", what I really want is for someone to give me a hug, say ""You're not OK"" and hand me $10,000."