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Joke of the Day

"Me: Shot through the heart 911: What is your location? Me: And you're to blame 911: Pardon? Me: You give love a bad name 911: I'm hanging up"

"Twitter is the ideal medium for people who think of something clever to say five minutes after the opportunity has passed."

"Jewish joke! What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza won't scream when you put it in the oven."

"Many call me an elastic band The more you pull, the harder I cum"

"What is a female hockey player's most vivid memory? Her first period on the ice."

"Donald trump wins presidency"

"TIL: Colonel Sanders had a younger brother who was a plumber. Urinal Sanders"

"I don't care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it."

"Lion and a cheetah have a race and the cheetah wins! The lion say ""your such a cheeta!!"" The cheetah says ""um no your lion!!"""

"How did the girl end up with ninja jizz on her face? she didn't see him coming"