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Joke of the Day

"A random guy held the door & paid for my Cinnabon roll at the truck stop today He doesn't know it, but this is the best date in a long time"

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"The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco."
"What did Groot say when he had amnesia? Am I Groot? (Credit to my 7year old son)"
"I keep forgetting the ""o"" part of ""Hello."" My boss is NOT happy with the way I've been answering his phone."
"What did the Mexican gang member say when two large houses fell on him during an earthquake? Get off me, homes."
"Your overexposure to Korean pop music last year will be nothing compared to your overexposure to Korean nuclear radiation this year."
"Him ""You run like a gazelle."" Me ""I'm graceful?"" Him ""No. You'd be easy prey for a mountain lion."""
"Tech support in the military Troubleshoot to kill."
"I'm developing an app that makes a cricket sound effect at the end of my coworkers' stories."
"[wearing World's Best Dad shirt] Wife: whys there blood on your shirt? Me: its not my blood Guy bleeding out in the yard: its not your shirt"