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Joke of the Day

"Where does Sean Connery put his beard clippings? His shavings account."

"[getting a massage] MASSEUSE: You have sensitive skin SKIN: What is THAT supposed to mean"

"What do you get when a deaf guy tries to talk to you at a urinal? Wet"

"Kids are smarter than adults I believe that kids are much smarter than adults. Why? Because I don't know one kid who has a wife and a family."

"Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, you will pay. You have my Word."

"8 teens in the the garage. I hear the miter saw and drill going. I'm just going to sit back and let Darwin take care of things in there."

"A client just thanked me profusely for curing his erectile dysfunction. -shrugs- It wasn't hard."

"Weekend's coming up. Time to surf the real world."

"Men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, even though women attempt it more. So men are better at it! \- George Carlin"

"Im trying the new Vodka diet... Lose 3 days every week"