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Joke of the Day

"I hate moving house... It means I have to go around telling all the neighbours I'm on the sex offenders register again. I'm not, but it sure keeps their kids out of the yard."

"What did the sadist say to the masochist? No Probably has been put on here before but it made me chuckle."

"[Enters Building] ""Excuse..."" *Voice fades* ""... anyone..."" ""... how to..."" ""... out this..."" ""... ving door?"""

"[at the hunting store] Me: where's the camo gear? Clerk [winks]: exactly"

"One-percenters and Jimmy Swaggart One-percenters' relationship with politicians is like Jimmy Swaggart's with prostitutes. They pay lots of money to see other people get fucked."

"I dig my own Grave. Adds Inter-ior designer to Resume."

"Wife: Wow, I'm tired Me: Go relax, give me the recipe and I'll make dinner [Five minutes later] Me: Honey, I think we're out of...""oven""?"

"What do the average woman and kids on a snow day have in common? They're both hoping for nine inches, but will be happy enough with five."

"Hold the door for your girlfriend. Listen to the door. Tell the door everything will be okay. Leave your girlfriend for the door."

"What's the difference between a bluebird and a elephant? They both have wings, except for the elephant."