223085

Joke of the Day

"Cop: License and registration please. Me: Give me a second, I'm drunk. Cop: Sir, have you been drinking? Me: No."

"Have you heard the joke about leaving milk out too long? I'd tell you, but it's cheesy."

"I wrote a book called My permanently exposed penis'. It's out now."

"If the majority of twitter's trending topics are any indication of the state of humanity thus far, we clearly need an asteroid intervention."

"Kenny G walks into an elevator and says ""Man, this place is HAPPENING!"""

"God, grant me the serenity to accept this stolen property, the courage to sell it on eBay, and the wisdom to not get caught."

"Burger King employee: what size [drink] would you like? Me (thinking she said 'side'): fries. BK: What? Me: *more forcefully* fries."

"Why do black people hate chainsaws? **RUN** NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA"

"You're only as awkward as you say you are...out loud...in front of people...who were in a private conversation...that didn't involve you."

"The Vatican just deleted all the Pope's tweets. Because NO ONE denies reality like the Catholic Church."