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Joke of the Day

"How do you get two elephants into a refrigerator? You put the female in first, and the male will walk in and close the door. (As told by my Materials Science professor)"

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"*Skrillex, young and penniless, is working at a grocery store and shelving boxes of produce* *drops beets* Oh. Oh my god."
"What do you call a greedy ant ? An anteater !"
"Taco Bell is serving breakfast now. Because why wait until afternoon when you can get diarrhea first thing in the morning!TM"
"How do you make a handkerchief dance? You put a little boogie in it!"
"Why was the lesbian mermaid fired from the bakery? She was eating all the muff-fins."
"This guy at speed dating asked if I have any weird tattoos I was like lol not if you love The Golden Girls."
"My iPhone just autocorrected the word nigga to NIGGA, like whoa iPhone. You can't just go around yelling the N word. Jesus."
"What happens to superficial people when they die? They end up in a shallow grave."
"Sarah McLachlan should do a commercial but instead of homeless pets in cages, people in cubicles."