223038

Joke of the Day

"Mothers, out of the 300 guys you're friends with on Facebook, I can guarantee not even 1 of them wants to see a picture of your baby."

"Boss: Why are you late? Me: Why are you so obsessed with me?"

"I will gladly eat anything I find in a fridge unless you put your name on it, in which case I will be full of guilt and shame when I eat it."

"Yoga bends. Yoga stretches. Yoga realizes is out of shape. Yoga pants."

"How did George W Bush use reggae to win his election? He needed an Al Gore riddim."

"Texting wasn't always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You better click that 7 button FOUR TIMES."

"My therapist diagnosed me with oppositional defiant disorder but I told them they were wrong."

"My ex-girlfriend is like a chocolate She killed my dog"

"If I've said it once, I've said it one hundred times. I'd rather listen to an auto-tuned queef played on a loop over and over, than listen to Lady Gaga's performance at the Grammy's again."

"Apparently when your wife says ""let's make a baby,"" she doesn't mean assemble an infant from clay and chant The Old Words inside a pentagram"