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Joke of the Day

"I just got Natalie Portman's autograph! Sure, it's on a restraining order, but still..."

"I like how we say ""vegan"" now instead of ""eating disorder""."

"When our kids were teenagers we moved; hoping it would help with family strife. It didn't work, unfortunately. They found us."

"Why did the dog sit in the shade? It didn't want to be a hotdog. *ba dum tsss *ba dum tish idk"

"ME: we can do this GOOGLE SMART CAR: we can't clear the bridge ME: *mashes 'im feeling lucky' button*"

"Three blondes walk into a building.... You'd think that one of them might have saw [seen] it."

"So I have a joke about pizza... ...but it's too cheesy"

"What did Tarzan shout when he saw the elephants coming up over thehill while wearing sunglasses? Nothing. He did not recognize them."

"God making man in his image was the original selfie"

"The racist chainsaw when you turn it on it will roar out ""RUNNN-niggernigger!"""