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Joke of the Day

"How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement."

"We have one of the recalled Samsung washers. But, don't feel sorry for us... We're going to have a blast!"

"""If Trump wins I'm moving to Canada"" So people fleeing their country from political crisis isn't OK unless it's the USA..."

"Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make... Then they call me ugly and poor."

"What did the headlines read after the midget fortune-teller escaped from jail? Small medium at large."

"My roommate called the suicide hotline and they put him on hold They just left him hangin'"

"*Takes your face in my hands* *Looks deep into your eyes* *Whispers ""You make me want to spend the rest of my life avoiding you"" *"

"Roommate: hey blake I just bought this whiskey wanna explain why it's half empty? Me: cause you're a pessimist!"

"A blonde decided to go to grad school"

"Why does Peter Pan always fly? I'm sure no one will get this! It can't be a re-post. I checked."