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Joke of the Day

"When someone has a baby, I'm just like, OK, clearly you were desperate to have someone to hang out with"

"Knock Knock! -Who is it? -Santa -Oh, come on in santa. What did you bring me this year!? -Your black friday debts bitch! I'm Santa nder!"

"What do you call a 15 year old Korean prostitute Sum-yung ho"

"What did one sausage say to the other? You are the wurst."

"wife: ugh I feel so old me: you're only 36 wife: ugh me: that's like three 12yr olds wife: what me: what"

"Did you hear about the stupid turkey? It was looking forward to Christmas!"

"Thanks for explaining the word ""many"" to me, It means a lot."

"Why can't zombies play the blues? Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it."

"Why couldnt the NSA whistle blower leave russia? He was snowed in"

"Guy: so what u up to after this? Me: {remembering my friend said to be mysterious but quirky} probably eat a whole red onion in an alley"