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Joke of the Day

"What does a prostitute and a book have in common? For five dollars you can get one with crabs in it."

"What did the customer say to the barber after looking at a facial hair catalog? I moustache you a question about this style shown here, good sir."

"Why aren't there any mexicans in star trek? They don't work in the future either."

"What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Choked"

"If a problem has a solution - no need to worry. If there is no solution - then it is pointless to worry about. A fundamental principle of apathy."

"I'm so broke that I posed nude for a magazine last week. That's the last time I go to that newsagents!"

"Listen up: I wear the pants in this family. They're a lovely taffeta with a subtle flare to draw attention to my lace-up sandals."

"A guy goes to the doctor Doctor: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating. Guy: Really, doc?! Like, forever? Doctor: No, just for a few minutes, so I can examine you."

"Heard someone died from eating a meal that wasn't Instagrammed."

"I always get chloroform confused with chlorophyll. This guy I kidnapped is awake and angry but his leaves have never been more lush."