106616

Joke of the Day

"I always get chloroform confused with chlorophyll. This guy I kidnapped is awake and angry but his leaves have never been more lush."

"SUPERHERO: I alienate my loved ones to protect them from danger ME: Me too, that's also my reason"

"I just peed in my bath. But don't worry, I won't drink the water. - 4 year old logic"

"[flirting w/girl at bar] And that's why [takes sip from elephant sippy cup] I always use a sippy cup [lid falls off and spills juice on me]"

"What did the nosey pepper do? It got jalepeno business!"

"I like my sex like I like my banana trees If it won't bear fruit, it's not appealing."

"Today is national suicide prevention day.. so remember.. If you see any suicide bombers...... Shoot them."

"How many bears would Bear Gryll grill if Bear Gryll could grill bears? I dunno, but PETA would be **pissed**."

"Why should you never let a squirrel give you a blow job? Cause beastiality is wrong."

"fire the chauffeur! Wife: ""I'm gonna fire our chauffeur!!! He's such a pathetic driver, this is the third time he almost got me killed...."" Husband: ""Dear, lets give him another chance."""