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Joke of the Day

"Why not use a see-through, clear plastic hang glider just to freak everyone out?"

"*takes bite of cookie* Aw man this is awful *takes another bite* Still bad. But I better eat the rest to see if it gets better"

"How Many Lightbulbs Does it Take to Change Captain Jean Luc Picard? 4 or 5."

"To be honest, I'm not going to be completely happy until Facebook implements a 'I Wish You Were Dead' button."

"*Adobe update puts on fake moustache and glasses* Hi, my name is iOS 7, would you like to download updates?"

"Capitalization is important There's a big difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

"Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 1 second but instead I'm going to run over it 100 times with the vacuum at different angles."

"What do you call a bodyless person, without a nose? Nobody Nose."

"They say in life expect the unexpected'. So I did, and f*ck all happened. I wasn't expecting that."

"I contemplated suicide earlier. Then I thought about homicide. Finally I thought f*ck it, I hate crosswords, I'm off to the pub."