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Joke of the Day

"It sucks when something bad happens to someone you hate. Nobody will let you gloat. It's like you can't even enjoy your own joy."

"I now have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"Wow your rib cage and hip bones look stunning !!! Said No Man Ever"

"I wonder if the coach of the opposing team on Air Bud got fired when he explained to the principal how a golden retriever outscored his team"

"WHAT ARE THOSE?! Thanks, how did you know?"

"It's a bird! It's a plane- -OH SHIT A PLANE IS COMING TOWARDS THE BUILDING"

"Warning, Condoms aren't totally safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus."

"A repost walks into a bar Bartender says ""shit, you again?!""."

"Your mom said she wanted something that could go from zero to two hundred in 3 seconds... ...so I bought her a scale."

"With the terror and all the negative things going on in the world today, it's remarkable that Charlie Sheen is able to stay positive."