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Joke of the Day

"Why does Thanksgiving feel like a date with Bill Cosby? You wake up 3 hours later drowsy and wondering why you feel like you just got stuffed with dark meat"

"Never run with scissors. Unless... You stole them You're running a 400 meter scissor relay You're being chased by giant paper dolls"

"My wife and I often orgasm at the same time But rarely in the same place."

"Sure, the BMW symbol kind of looks like a sphincter, but I could already tell by the way you were driving."

"You know why someone who's good at something is ""The Shit""? Because those who can't teach and those who do do."

"What's the worst part about Necrophilia? The awkward silence."

"Where on LinkedIn do I add my current gang memberships"

"What do you call a couple having sex in a moving car? Burning rubber"

"So I bought a nihilistic pencil It's pointless."

"Studies find if a woman has a glass of wine a day increases the chances of a stroke. If you let her have more she might suck it too."