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Joke of the Day

"A nurse asks an absent-minded doctor, ""Doctor, why are you writing with a thermometer?"" The doctor looks down and says, ""God damnit. Now some asshole has my pen."""

"Lice is the herpes of kindergarten."

"What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone knocking at your door for no apparent reason."

"What's a pirates favorite letter? Nope, it's the C that they love"

"What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces? Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them."

"What does an elephant use for a tampon? A sheep."

"My superpower is being able to talk to dead people... they can't talk back, though."

"What did the carrot say to the DJ? Lettuce Turnip The Beet"

"As a baby I took my son Caden to the park. Other kids there were Aiden Jayden Brayden & Ben. The parents that named Ben should get an award."

"How can you tell when a mechanic just had sex? One of his fingers is clean"