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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between 'Ignorance' and 'Apathy'? I don't know, and I don't care!"

"Live today like it's your last. But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn't."

"Today, my girlfriend said she's dumping me for some geometric drawings Figures."

"I saw a car with ""Wash Me"" written on it, so I set it on fire. I'll be damned if I'm going to allow cars to become sentient!"

"The day Adele decides to crowd surf is the day we learn who her real fans are"

"Why isn't Edward leaving Russia? ...because he's snowed in."

"Do pigs like Backgammon? No they prefer their backs scratched."

"I hope Death is a woman That way, it will never come for me"

"Whenever I call my husband to wash the dishes, I am reminded what a great lover he is. He never comes quickly."

"I went on a date last night with a tiny lobster. It didnt go well. She was a little shellfish."