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Joke of the Day

"My friend just passed the bar exam. I need lawyer jokes. GO! What can a goose do that a duck can't do that a lawyer won't do? . . . Stick his bill up his ass."

"This Jewish kid asks his dad for five dollars... and his dad goes, ""Four dollars? What do you need three dollars for?"""

"SORRY FOR MY POOR VOLUME CONTROL REGULATION BUT THIS IS A GOOD CUDDLE"

"How do you fit an elephant in a thimble? You take the ""I"" out of ""thimble"" and the ""F"" out of ""way."""

"New Year's Resolution 2016p"

"What's the worst part about meeting someone with Parkinson's? Shaking hands."

"Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes... That way you're a mile away from them, and as a bonus you have their shoes."

"Monday I start my new job at PepsiCo. They told me I need to show up with nothing but a Can O' Dew attitude."

"Cutest thing I saw today was the dad angrily slamming the sliding door of his minivan but it slowed down by itself and latched silently"

"Yo momma's so fat You can see the couch behind her do to gravitational lensing."