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Joke of the Day

"I just became the mayor of ""Giving Away Tons of Personal Data to Corporations and Government Agencies Because I'm an Idiot"" on FourSquare!"

"If I got a boyfriend I wouldn't know what to do... What do they eat? How often do they need to be walked? Can they be house trained?"

"This cashier was totally just checking me out, you guys."

"A midget clairvoyant just escaped from prison... ...police are looking for a small medium at large."

"I used to be in a band called ""Frequent Urination"". You might have heard of us. We had several number ones."

"If the FBI wants to get into people's iPhone's without permission... They should just ask U2"

"Did you hear the one about Jerry Sandusky molesting kids? If not, it's okay - neither did the Police."

"Is it a good idea to have multiple PhDs? To a certain degree."

"A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe walk into a bar The bartender asks what they're having. The witch replies ""Narnia business."""

"Sometimes a man has needs that can't be fulfilled in the home. [goes to animal shelter and pets all the cats]"