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Joke of the Day

"""There are only 2 four letter words that are offensive to me - Don't and Stop.....unless they are used together..."""

"Why do marble statues look so mean? They have hearts of stone."

"Apparently they've come out with low-fat communion wafers Yeah. They called it *I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus*."

"The inventor of the throat lozenge has died. There will be no coffin at his funeral."

"You can never tell when someone's had plastic surgery. It always looks super real & not weird or awful. You should get some."

"He and I were best friends and roommates, so sex was never on the table. It was always on the couch, the bed, and the floor. Come on, we *eat* there."

"NSFW What do jesus and girls have in common? The expression on their faces when they got nailed."

"""The best part of waking up was the Folgers in my cup"" - Suicide note, first draft"

"Women never find it devilishly charming when I follow them into the lady's room. Thanks a lot, ""Top Gun""."

"Finally saw the new Batman. SPOILER ALERT: the Bane character is up to no good."