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Joke of the Day

"Me: smells like upyou'refreetogo in here. Cop: what's upyou'refreetogo? Me: *finger guns* catch ya later Cop: aww damn lol got me again"

"I wasn't trying to put you on a pedestal. I was trying to bend you over it."

"Facebook is a big party where the host is in a back room going through all the coats."

"What type of pants does Mario wear? denimdenimdenim...denimdenimdenim..."

"What do you call a man with no arms or legs playing in the leaves? Russell."

"Have you heard about the new restaurant on the moon? I hear the food is good but there's no atmosphere."

"Why does it seem like 90% of Redditors are hardcore liberal atheists? Because the conservatives are at work."

"My Jewish friend invited me to go to his camp. Fuck that."

"Dark humor is like food Some people don't get it"

"I'm not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?"