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Joke of the Day

"When you go toe to toe with a Vietnamese Mexican... You either nguyen or you luz."

"Everyone is an atheist until you zip your fly up too quick Then its all Lord Jesus please help"

"some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we're too far away to hear his answer]"

"*First Date Her: Why are we at Home Depot? Me: I wanted to see what it's like to pick out bathroom tile with you. See if this is worth it."

"She was a fax machine She kept her modem clean She was the best damn printer that I've ever seen"

"what's the difference between two dicks and a joke you don't look like you could take a joke"

"That which does not kill me... should run."

"Charles Dickens' book on wine making, Grape Expectations."

"I can't take anymore of this 50 Shades of Grey promo. It's still your basic Cinderella story. Now she just has a ball gag."

"Hey girl Are you the new gorilla exhibit? Because I want to throw a baby in you."