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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a kid with no friends!? A Sandy Hook survivor!!"

"I bought some dog scented cologne the other day... Now I get all the bitches."

"A ""lady"" and a ""woman"" are exactly the same thing unless they are prefaced with cat."

"I have been trying to find a new hobby So lately i have been drag racing. I win most of the time, it's hard for them to outrun me in heels"

"Imagine going to a theater in 1765 to see Mozart play symphony number 30 but as soon as he starts playing, the bass drops and people go nuts"

"Keep salespeople from pestering you by asking what type of saw can cut through bone and sinew the quickest."

"Stalin took from the rich and gave it to the poor... ... and then he took both of them and put them into the Gulag for 25 years. EDIT: spelling"

"""Are you coming over?"" ""Yes, I'm coming over."" ""We should probably stop talking using the radios, over."""

"Did you hear about the proctologists collectible Corvettes? He wrecked em'."

"[buying a wood chipper] ME: So does blood splatter everywhere when a body goes in? SALESMAN: What? ME: What?"