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Joke of the Day

"What kind of house does a stoned loaf of bread live in? A high rise"

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Hippies only screw in tents."

"A successful relationship is one in which one person shuts up when the other is right."

"*Gets divorced* *Deletes 'actress' from LinkedIn profile*"

"What did the dick say to the condom Go away, you make sex less pleasurable and have a higher than acceptable risk of breaking."

"SO SPEAKETH THE OUIJA BOARD, ""N E W N U M B E R W H O I S T H I S"""

"What church do hypocrites belong to? All of them."

"Her: *""Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?""* Me: *""Yes""*"

"The secret to success is to surround yourself with people that don't know you."

"A man goes to the library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide, the librarian turns around and says ""fuck you, you wont bring it back"""