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Joke of the Day

"My kids are yelling so incoherently at one another it sounds like they're naming IKEA furniture."

"Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, makes me wish I had genital herpes."

"I bet the kids who TP'd my yard last night and didn't know that toilet paper was on my grocery list, feel pretty stupid right about now"

"My girlfriend asked me why I was sitting with the eggs... I couldn't find my whisk, and if you can't beat them, you might as well join them..."

"People often say things in the heat of anger that in hindsight they regret not accompanying with a punch in the face."

"Spider Island Day 1: The arachnids are intelligent & friendly hosts. They even built me a hammock to ensure my comfort. Day 2: I was wrong."

"When guys claim to have had a threesome, the next question is usually, ""How was it?"" In my case, that question is shortened to one word."

"Whats the dumbest animal in the jungle? Polar bear"

"What does Reddit and Dating have in common? It wastes your time and you walk away with either tears or a slight chuckle."

"How do you become a millionaire overnight? Start off a billionaire then make a bunch of bad investments."