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Joke of the Day

"My kids are yelling so incoherently at one another it sounds like they're naming IKEA furniture."

"So I just preordered a Jet Black IPhone.. Lol jk"

"Mom u can stop cutting the crust off my bread now im in a gang"

"""we lost your dad during surgery im very sorry"" ha, hes always wandering off ""no he.."" *holds up one finger while on phone* dad ring me back"

"I farted loudly in an Apple store and everyone got really pissed off at me. But its not my fault they don't have windows."

"Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater."

"I quit drinking and my beer belly is now a pot belly."

"The patient was about to die ""Well,"" said the doctor, ""He can wait."""

"What did Helen Keller say when she fell off the cliff? Nothing, she had her mittens on."

"What do boobs and Christmas trees have in common? When you see really nice ones, you have to ask if they are real or fake."