219993

Joke of the Day

"I told my friends a joke about airplanes... ...but it went way over their heads."

"[restaurant] ME: Do you have updog? WAITER: [sighs] No sir M: Ok, is this gluten free? W: No you have to pay for it M: Damn you're good"

"MY EX WIFE STILL MISSES ME... But her theoretical trajectory seems to be improving!"

"Tonight I made some synonym rolls Just like Grammar used to make"

"Whenever I get a message that begins with ""Hey Stranger"" I know I'm about to be asked for a favor by someone I don't want to help."

"The rare times my cat comes to me for affection, I run and hide under the bed, so she knows what that feels like."

"Behind every great man... ...is a very surprised mother-in-law."

"I would imagine there really isn't any market for sea shells down by the sea shore considering the abundance of free sea shells."

"I don't like telling people I used to be a stalker. It sounds better saying ""I spent a lot of time studying a broad."""

"What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield? Its ass."