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Joke of the Day
"What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint"
Next Joke
"*takes enough Xanax for an army* I have a killer headache CW: *hands me 5 Advil* Woah there brother I'm not about to OD here, 2 will do"
"Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into an old friend ? They were both driving their cars at the time !"
"Why couldn't Beethoven find his teacher? Because he was Haydn."
"i just want someone to love me as much as sean penn loves haiti"
"Bring spoiled food to work enough and your coworkers eventually stop eating anything with your name on it."
"Just buckled a bottle of Tito's Vodka into the backseat of my car, so I obviously know what it's like to be a mom."
"""Dad, I'm suicidal."" ""Hi suicidal, I'm dad."""
"How is using the Pirate Bay like hiring a prostitute? Only nerds brag about doing it"
"I do whatever I can to fight poverty So the other day, I punched a tramp (Courtesy of Milton Jones)"