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Joke of the Day

"[over megaphone] ""Police! We have you astounded!"" ""Jim, it's 'surrounded'."" ""No, I know but look at his face."""

"How do you hold your liqour? I hold mine by the ears."

"I sent my wife a card that said, ""I DON'T LIKE ANY OF THE BABIES YOU'VE MADE."""

"Is Google a he or a she? A she, no doubt, because it wont let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas. (no offence to ladies)"

"How do you seduce a fat woman? PIece of cake."

"I just poked myself in the eyes... I can't see myself doing that again anytime soon."

"I'm a chick magnet I repel."

"A man walks into a bar Ouch -badumtiss-"

"What do you call a drug addict that's allergic to heroin? Cracktose Intolerant"

"Sleep tight! And if you should die before you wake -- did you clear your browser history?"