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Joke of the Day

"I like to think of myself as God's gift to women. They certainly wouldn't pay anything to have me."

"Wife: ""they're disgusting, they carry diseases, they eat garbage!"" Me: are we talking about your parents, raccoons, or the kids?"

"Racist comments... Just like grandma used to make"

"Broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb twice before she got a hint."

"What did the stamp say to the envelope? I'm stuck on you."

"You can't go by good looks as not everything is as it seems. Remember The Trojan Horse, Snow White's apple and your ex."

"Fun trick to play on your partner: ""Don't you remember what day this is?"""

"In history class we got to read on a WW2 topic of our choice. I chose the Manhattan Project. I heard it was the bomb."

"What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair? Barberians."

"The barman says, ""We don't serve time travellers in here."" A time traveller walks into a bar."