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Joke of the Day

"My mom accidentally killed my boyfriend this weekend. She didn't recognize him when she was canning pickles."

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"Thinking of cryogenically freezing myself until they can find a cure for unemployment."
"On a scale of one to ten... ...you aren't getting a helpful measurement of your weight"
"What was Alex Rodriguez's last hit? Who gives a shit, he's finally done ruining the sport."
"Damn girl, are you bubble wrap? Because you're fun to run over with my bike"
"How do you ship 100 jews across the country? Put them in a semite-truck."
"How do you get a Baby in a bowl? How do you get it out? How do you get a baby in a bowl? With a mixer. How do you get it out? ""With nachos."
"Overheard a teenager watching Armageddon for the 1st time (after Bruce Willis blows up): ""lol at least the hot one lived (Ben Affleck)."""
"Next time you see someone you don't like, begin conversation with ""I see the assassins have failed."""
"What does my Uncle and my account balance have in common? I cry whenever I see them."
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