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Joke of the Day

"My uncle is an idiot. He saw a commercial that said, ""9 out of 10 accidents happen within a mile of your home."" So he up and moved"

"What does the chemistry teacher like to do with his dead bodies after he kills 'em? Barium."

"My girlfriend bought me a bowling ball the other day. She thought i wouldn't like it but, It was right up my alley!"

"Latvian Christmas Christmas Eve father ask son what want christmas. Son say potato. Father say ""Ok. Santa bring potato."" Next day boy is learn Santa no exist."

"Please listen closely... Attention: Tonight I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses WWII and Wednesday comes *after* Tuesday."

"joe: siri address me as poopyhead siri: okay poopyhead *obama enters* barack: joe have you seen my phone? joe: yep here *runs away giggling*"

"What did Donkey Kong say when Mario asked him for help for some schoolwork? ""I D K"""

"Why did a pile of gravel go to jail? aggregated basalt"

"Good news! Doctor: I have a really good news for you Mrs Johnson Woman: Well, my name is Ms Johnson Doctor: In that case, I have a really bad news for you Ms Johnson!"

"What do organic mathematicians put in their fireplaces? Natural logs."