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Joke of the Day

"Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my ""funny"" status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body..."

"I hate it when kids say that they hate vegetables. Like what the hell did Steven Hawking do to you?"

"Wife: Why is there a bouncy castle in the garden? Me out of breath with no shoes on: I'm not sure."

"What letter never satisfies it's wife? The quick E"

"For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive. I think I'm being stalked"

"I don't always say bye... but when I do, it's to Felicia"

"What do you call two guys using the same urinal? Peers"

"I'm going skiing in Colorado. They say there are a lot of blacks there. But there are a lot of blues and greens as well, so I should be okay."

"I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential."

"Why was the man sent to prison after staying up all night? Because he was resisting a rest."