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Joke of the Day

"I like working out. Sometimes I still feel like I have the body of a teenager, but then I remember I buried that slut like, a week ago."

"What's today's date? Germany/Brazil/2016"

"I once told my dad: ""I feel there are a good and a bad wolf in me fighting for control. But which one will win in the end?"" He said: ""The one you feed."""

"Today is the coldest day of the year... And the warmest, shortest, longest, driest and most wet."

"A large marine mammal was recently in Cardiff. It had a Wales of a time."

"Q: What is a bellybutton for? A: It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down."

"Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling"

"What's the best way to make an egg roll? You push it! I deserve salmonella for even posting this..."

"FRIENDSHIP TIP: stick your head under the bathroom stalls and introduce yourself! You never know where you'll find your soulmate"

"I had a rib removed so I could cry further into my lap"