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Joke of the Day

"She claimed to be a copy editor but she had no proof."

"I'm off to a 3yr olds party. There'll be tears, tantrums and throwing up on the carpet. But enough about me, Im sure the kids will have fun."

"I take it personally when the UPS guy drops off a package for my neighbors but doesn't bring me one."

"A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a drink and a mop."

"My wife doesn't mind me flirting with other women. She finds the rejection quite entertaining."

"Its so cold in Minnesota right now. The democrats have their hands in their own pockets."

"My new thesaurus is terrible in fact I'd go as far to say that it's terrible"

"Why did the kid only water half the lawn? Because there was a 50% chance of rain"

"*me holding a human baby* i think this cat is broken"

"If they grew up in the same house and shared a pet, siblings have the same porn name and I think that's just SICK."