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Joke of the Day

"I saw a weird competition yesterday - The first person to successfully have intercourse with them self wins. So I entered myself."

"Tea without sugar isn't ""unsweetened tea"". It's. Just. Tea."

"[at ER] ME: my stomach hurts. DOC: have you been able to eat anything today? ME: yeah, like 75 pieces of pizza."

"If people had to spell something correctly before being allowed to criticize it, the internet would be a far more peaceful place."

"I'm no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one."

"What's a feminist's favourite school lesson? Triggernometry."

"Fox Mulder, age 6: *looks under pillow* MOM! IT DISAPPEARED! Mom: the Tooth Fairy took it, dear Fox: you mean... the tooth is out there?"

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? [fixed] You can hang the picture with only one nail."

"What's heavier: a ton of gold or a ton of feathers? The feathers. The gold's weight is measured using the Troy measurement system in which an ounce is 12 ""regular"" ounces. The more you know..."

"When Hugh Hefner dies I don't think people will say he's in a better place."