219096

Joke of the Day

"Barista won't write ""Air Bud was bullshit"" on my coffee cup. We've been arguing for 20 minutes. HE'S A DOG THAT PLAYS BASKETBALL"

"Why don't Bill Cosby's Lights Work? He required that their circuits have no resistance."

"I'm gonna make like a standards censor and get the fuck outta here."

"""Do you have anything with, ya know, even more denim?"" ""These jeans are 100% denim."" ""I require more."" ""Mr. Leno, this is getting weird."""

"How do you kill a hipster? Push them into the mainstream and watch them tumblr"

"I want to study... the area below your curves... It is integral."

"What do you call a person with a Simpsons fetish? Homer-sexual"

"I'm gonna put a Whoopee Cushion on the front of my car so that if I hit anything it'd atleast be a little funny."

"[At historic site] Guide: Questions? Me: What's the wifi password? G: I meant about 19th century life. M: Oh....Dost thou have thy password?"

"Last night after we had sex I asked my wife if she was faking it and she said ""no, I really was asleep."""