219094

Joke of the Day

"Hi, I'm here to see the doctor. -me Witch doctor? -reception Nooo...I think he's Jewish. -me [blank stare] Please sit down."

"A ninja is like a fart They are both silent, but deadly."

"What's the difference between a Lentil and a Chickpea? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a Lentil on my face."

"I became a proud dad today My son is actually four but he was a boring little cunt for the first three years."

"Left handed people in the past. Why did people back in the day not accept left handed people? Because it wasn't right. I'm sorry bye."

"A pirate walks into the bar with a steering wheel in his pants... The bartender says ""hey, you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"" the pirate responds ""ARGH! it drives me nuts!"""

"I stole a futon from a shop. I think the police are after me, so I have been lying low."

"A mexican, African American and Muslim walk into a bar.... They see that Donald Trump and a group of his supporters are there, so they get they quickly get the fuck out there."

"They say religion is the opiate of the masses Makes sense, because when I go to church I nod off... (This is actually a joke I made up. Thought I'd share)"

"Friday night. Sitting in a bar. As the designated driver. NO, I'M NOT BITTER. I'M PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE OUT OF A SENSE OF WONDER."