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Joke of the Day

"What do you call the system of honour of French horses? Chevalry"

"I asked my waitress if she thought me eating alone was embarrassing and she said, ""I work at Cheesecake Factory"""

"i want the first line of my obituary to be about how i once used an umbrella three different times before losing it"

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? [nsfw] I don't fuck my sandwich before I eat it. (Although they're terrible I can't help but to love dead baby jokes)"

"In Russia, you don't vote for Putin... Putin votes FOR you."

"A taxidermist was asked, ""So what do you do for a living?"" She replied, ""Oh you know... stuff."" - *From Tumblr.*"

"Mark Wahlberg's mom: Marky Mark! It's time for a snacky snacky before you take a nappy nap. Mark Wahlberg: Jesus, mom. I'm 44. What snack?"

"I'm on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle."

"My girlfriend got sacked from work and then lost her appeal. I only found her appealing because she had a well paid job."

"I like my women like I like my wine. 5 years old and locked in a cellar. (I CAN FEEL THE RETRIBUTION ALREADY)"