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Joke of the Day
"You'd think a baby would make the perfect paperweight, but this one keeps rolling off my desk."
Next Joke
"Knock knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes a bad joke."
"DAD: I invented a diaper that's also a time machine! MOM: Where do the poops go DAD: dunno! [CUT TO: A BUNKER IN GERMANY, 1942] HITLER: omfg"
"If your house is hit by a dolphin, don't go outside to see if the dolphin is alright, that's how the hurricane tricks you to come outside."
"Clinton Campaign Hillary's Clinton's response to allegations of receiving money from foreign governments to fund her campaign: ""I did NOT have financial relations with those countries!"""
"If shame burned calories, I'd be back to my birth weight by now"
"A man walks into the shop of a psychic barber Barber: Say no more"
"Why is your washing machine always laughing? It's taking the piss out of your knickers!"
"My friends and I are working on this mixed drink idea It's pretty simple just 2 parts water and 1 part ketamine. We call it the Cosbypolitan."
"Steps to getting into her pants: 1) Wait for her to fall asleep 2) Take her pants off 3) Put them on yourself 4) Find a top that matches"