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Joke of the Day
"""who else wakes up in the morning and checks their Facebook like its the morning newspaper??"""
Next Joke
"Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed... like my name, phone number, address, etc."
"My friend asked me why I haven't texted him in such a long while, I replied, ""My phone screen broke and now it's completely unusable... so I lost touch."""
"*bites nails* Sorry. Bad habit. I haven't been on a date in a while ""I can see why"" she says, pulling her fingers out of my mouth"
"Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall."
"How do you top a car? with the break tupid!"
"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? It might me a little to get hard, I just got laid by some chick. EDIT: ""take me a little while"""
"A man walks into a police station ""My car has been stolen"" he says laughingly. ""Your car has been stolen, but why are you laughing then?"" The officer says. ""Because my wife was still in it!"""
"I need an aggressive dog-barking sound on my phone, for whenever anyone knocks on the bathroom door when I'm in there"
"I masturbated when the clock struck 12 tonight It was the stroke of midnight"