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Joke of the Day

"Scientists have discovered what lowers women's sex drive... Wedding cake"

"Have you tried complaining about it for hours?"

"What did the blonde's mom say before the blonde's date? If you are not in bed by 12, come home."

"I'm terrible at keeping track of appointments so I signed up for a time management class. I showed up for class *a week late.* [Heard just now on Freakonomics.]"

"If I were an attractive girl, I would introduce myself as Hottie McHotterson because I would still be an asshole."

"If you're forcing me to choose between you and my dream of making a sequel to the 1982 horror classic then you've got another Thing coming."

"""Excuse me, waiter? Can I get a doggy bag"" ""Sorry ma'am, we only have Doge bags."" Much leftovers So pasta Very taking home Wow reheat at 350"

"Wife: Silent Me: What's wrong? Wife: Nothing Me: Grabs shield and sword"

"Why did the cop wake up his son? To stop a kid napping."

"Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to....unless you're in prison."