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Joke of the Day

"I don't really know about the effects of nocturnal drinking I'm just taking a shot in the dark."

"If we truly become what we mock... ...I think I'm going to start mocking some smarter, more successful people, for a change."

"Why did the boy die when a car ran over his finger? His finger was up his nose."

"What do you call a male cow masturbating? Beef Jerky"

"It's sad that some of you need to berate others to feel better about yourselves. Idiots."

"I was astonished to learn that the meat in Subway was slaughtered in a traditional Muslim way. I mean how the fuck do they fit a rucksack on a cow?"

"Parents that tell u ""it's just a little noise"" when their kid cries on a train are the same ones who knock on ur door when the music is loud"

"Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I'd look out the window for that."

"People always ask why I'm wearing a sombrero in my high school graduation pictures. Clearly, because it was my senor year."

"My wife said she'd leave me if I didn't stop eating Pasta Now I'm feeling cannelloni"