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Joke of the Day

"[OC] Girls who prefer ""dad bods""... Just want father figures in their lives."

"How do you make Obama's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in his ears"

"Volkswagen upset a lot of people by not using AdBlue in their TDI engines... ...they really took the piss out of clean diesel."

"So he says "" Nice glasses"" and I say "" Thanks! They're for seeing "" *slaps knee*"

"Why is it easy for gays to escape a fire? Because their shit is already packed."

"If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable."

"I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman."

"God: You finish all 11 commandments? Moses: About the 11th one... God: What? Moses: Check yourself before you wreck yourself? God: Fine, 10."

"If I was a Quidditch player I'd be the Seeker, because I'm really, really good at doing basically nothing until the very end of something."

"There's only one downside of putting a woman on the $20 bill. That downside is that the $20 bill is now only worth $15.66"