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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a spiderman that's good at sex? Peter Parker"

"What paint is most popular in modern buildings? Microsoft Paint"

"I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven when I take a nap."

"Fun fact: if you say ""I did the math,"" nobody argues with you because they don't want to have to redo the math themselves."

"Being in love is amazing, the way it takes your breath away, closes your air passages and renders you unconscio--no, wait, that's asthma."

"*interrogating a baby* ""Any first words?"""

"[5 minutes after being trapped in an elevator] Finally, an excuse to drink my own urine"

"Q: Did you hear about the fly that flew through a screen door? A: He strained himself."

"I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that."

"I don't like coconut so I don't eat coconut. I don't follow coconut around criticizing its texture or taste or tweets or sense of humor."