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Joke of the Day

"Stop talking about being sad. Use a bigger word like despondent so people will at least think you're an intelligent cry baby."

"Today I woke up to a surprise bj for the first time Probably should sleep with my mouth closed from now on"

"Cats are great for testing because they have 9 lives."

"They all laughed when I told them I'm going to be a comedian... well...they are not laughing anymore!"

"I heard someone proposed a Tupac movie. But it was shot down."

"Conan refuses to accept a 12:05 Tonight Show. NBC says he can't leave. I'm just waiting for Obama to say Leno is a ""jackass""."

"I refuse to participate in scavenger hunts because it's still murder to shoot people even if they were digging in dumpsters."

"If you were to wrap a cloud as a gift, what would you wrap it with? A RAINBOW!"

"Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French? Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many ovum. But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef."

"[my laboratory] ME: I'VE DONE IT! MOUSE WITH EAR GROWING ON IT'S BACK: Holy crap keep it down."