218237

Joke of the Day

"I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down tweets at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark."

"Programming is like sex; one mistake and you have to support for a lifetime."

"There's a sale on deer testicles. They're under a buck."

"I left my adderall in my Ford Fiesta. Now it's a Ford Focus."

"A joke about Batman my 4yo. brother came up with Knock, knock Who's there? Batman Batman who? Bruce Wayne!"

"If Miley doesn't get her shit together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college"

"You know what's odd about those girls at Starbucks? They, like, literally can't, even."

"Life is like a box of chocolates It doesn't last long for fat people."

"Twitter turns six today. It seems like just yesterday that I spoke to my family."

"How many magazines did the racquetball footwear company make before going out of business? Tennis shoes (Also: can anyone think of a more succinct buildup? It seems kinda unwieldy to me)"