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Joke of the Day

"Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in."

"[Spider-Man shows up at my house] *I carefully scoop him up on a piece of paper and release him outside my door*"

"My gf is getting glasses Hey guys - my gf is getting glasses on monday and I need a couple of jokes to fire at her - please do your best "

"If I was a funeral director, I'd tell everyone ""I'll see you later"" & then wink, because it's fun to freak people out."

"Greek Tailor's Shop A Greek man walks into a Greek tailor shop holding a pair of jeans. The blind old tailor squints at him. ""Euripedes?"" The man nods and holds up the pants. ""Eumenedes?"""

"in mexico, we don't say ""I love you"" cause we dont speak english."

"What has two legs and bleeds profusely? Half a cat"

"What do dolphins like to listen to? Podcasts."

"Why did the golfer need to buy a new pair of socks? Because he got a hole in one!"

"A coworker just asked me if I was voted most likely to take a joke literally by my high school yearbook committee... That wasn't even a real superlative. I swear, this guy..."