218094

Joke of the Day

"So I sat down on the toilet... ...and my cat ran out from behind it. It scared the shit out of me."

"I went to the shop to buy 6 Sprites... I accidentally picked 7 up!"

"You'll never guess what my login name is. Constipated."

"To everyone who ever doubted me, all I have to say to you is...lucky guess."

"[Mother's Day text to my wife] Don't let the kids know I sent this but do you know where we keep the powdered sugar and band-aids?"

"What's the difference between a bitch and a slut? A slut fucks everybody, a bitch fucks everyone but you."

"My magic watch say's you don't have any underwear on... Oh, you do?... It must be 15 minutes fast."

"Yo mama so fat... She auditioned for Gargantua in the movie Interstellar but got rejected for being too fat"

"Who's the nicest guy at the hospital? The ultrasound guy"

"Stacy wanted to keep our relationship professional That's when I knew she was a prostitute."